Charles from Kentucky
A Caregiver's Journey
About twenty years ago while visiting my Uncle Raymond and Aunt Cookie, they asked if I would take care of them and their affairs when they became too old to do so themselves. They had no children and having pondered this decision, prayed that I would accept. I was honored to have a chance to return, some of the wonderful teachings they have imparted to me ever since they change my diapers as a baby. I also realized that this would be a geographical challenge, considering I live in Kentucky and they lived in Virginia.
My uncle has always been a “wise and gentle” beacon of light. It seemed that everyone, from his Civil Service job, Disable American Veterans (DAV) involvement, church and the community embraced his advice. My mother, (his sister) and Cookie called him, “Mr. Peaceable” because he had such a calming presence and Solomon-like wisdom.
Many, whose lives have been touched by my uncle and aunt, have provided much needed assistance. However, the day-to-day administrative challenges associated with doctor appointments, Assisted Living and Nursing Home coordination, Social Security, Social Services, Veteran’s benefits, and estate matters along with other task, too numerous to mention, have required a different skill set. Mazes that we thought would be easier to maneuver, including: Powers of Attorney, Living Wills and Advanced Directives—were not!
Approximately, five or six years ago, I began to notice changes, especially in my uncle. Lost keys and credit cards, physical weaknesses, confusion with medications, deterioration in social and mobility skills and frequent multi-day hospital stays made me realize that we had to have “the talk.” Earlier suggestions about surrendering his car keys and relocating them an Assisted Living facility had been soundly rejected. Eventually, we overcame each hurdle. During a stressful doctor’s visit my uncle was asked if he was having trouble doing anything; he responded; “I am having trouble trying to die.”
On February 1, 2014 my uncle transitioned to his eternal home. My aunt naturally pines about him and reads her Bible daily. What could one expect after 64 years of marriage? She repeats wonderful and loving stories from her nursing home bed as she insists on eating less and less each day. Family and friend worry about her as we helplessly watch her health slowly decline while proclaiming; “I’ll be with Raymond soon.”
There are days when I question my decisions about this or that. I have awakened many nights questioning everything about this caregiving journey. Yet, the Zen in me provides comfort as I know that I have done my very best...after all, to know them (and there positive effects on everyone they encountered) is to love them.
Caregivers share an amazing story and for me, this has been a cherished life’s lesson.