Miriam from Illinois

My husband, David, had a stroke in 1998 at age 62 which left him without speech or the ability to use his right side. After that, I was the sole breadwinner, as well as taking full responsibility for our two children.

After much therapy, my husband still is unable to speak, but he does manage to walk, dragging his leg, and he is able to feed himself with his left hand. He was always an independent guy and he strives still to be as independent as he can.

Initially, he needed help with everything--bathing, eating, toileting. and I did this while working a more than full time job as the director of a social service agency and taking care of two dependent children.

I retired two years ago, mostly because I felt that I either had to stay home to take care of my husband or put him into care--which he would hate. Like all of us, he is slowing down as he nears his 80th birthday.

All of this was beyond difficult, and, at times, I felt that I just couldn't go on, but the courage and resilience that he showed kept me going. He handled the whole thing much better than I did.

My friends and family have been a tremendous source of support, and now that they are older, so are my children.

My advice to anyone in a caregiving situation--make sure to take care of yourself too; let others help if they offer and if they don't --ask. If you wear yourself out, who will pick up the care?