Mary from North Carolina

My mother suffered from dementia and my sister and I cared for her for eight years prior to her death in 2006. I lived 130 miles away so I was the long-distance caregiver and my sister was the near-by caregiver. For four years, we were able to get by just ourselves and the last four years we relied on four "local ladies" to help with around-the-clock care. During those last years, my sister and I had distinct roles to play. I was the backup weekend caregiver, requiring me to leave my home in central North Carolina at 4:30 a.m. to get to my mom's in the eastern part of the state for the 7:00 a.m. shift. I also took care of any "big problems" that arose which could be better handled by someone a bit removed from the day to day situation.

Caring for my mother at the same time that I had two teenagers and a husband with major health problems presented many challenges as well as moments I will always treasure. It helped put life in perspective as well as prioritize what needed to be done. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of being a caregiver was the fact that I could not arrange for her to receive home delivered meals (even though I had previously supervised this program at the state level) because there was no way of getting the meals to her in her very rural part of the state.